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Carl Baydala
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The Black Sheep of the Family
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Friends, I believe that I have reached a new low in my life. I truly am the Black Sheep of the Family. How do you know when you have attained the status of a Black Sheep? Well, when your family turns against you that is the final proof and all of the proof that you will ever need.
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A bit of background for you. If you are a faithful reader of my blog then you will know about the intricate details of my life. My life has not been a pretty one and there were many difficult moments along the way for me. It all started out in my early childhood of course. All things begin here I suppose. I experienced a broken home and I always knew that I was different from the other kids and the peers in my group.
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I got through school OK so that was not a big deal as such. But, once I hit adulthood nothing seemed to go right. Sure, I finished university, but I could never really land any kind of a meaningful job. I had to accept second-rate employment. Well, employment that was not my first pick, to be fair to my former colleagues of course. And, as for my present employment as a courier, well, it is a very fine occupation and suits my personality just fine. I am just trying to give you a general description of my prior life and how things turned out for me. Generally speaking, there seemed to be an unusual amount of failure and non-acceptance of my being from other members of society. Jobs were sporadic and no real longterm employment and career opportunities developed, ones that I could relate to in a meaningful way that is. And, then when I finally got a full-time job in the early eighties, well, it did not last. This full-time employer rejected me and so did the girl of my dreams simultaneously.
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Just how much pain does one have to endure? Well, I am used to pain, emotionally and physically. Pain is, in fact, a frequent occurrence in my life. But, that is not really my point here. I am talking about some sort of systematic rejection friends and a rejection that has reached its logical conclusion, culminating now and pervading the psyche of family members themselves. It is like some sort of uncontrollable disease. I am turning people off left right and center. The rejections are numerous indeed and continue to manifest themselves in social situations, including relations with members of the opposite sex, and now, as I have hinted, with family members as well.
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I have ideas that do not sit with others as well, you know, political and religious ideas - atheistic ones in fact. Actually, I don't blame the crowd for this feature of my life because these are largely uneducated people that we are talking about here. Some people simply do not have the background to understand me. But, it is your friends and your relatives who you count on for that final guaranteed level of acceptance. You know, the acceptance that the crowd is not able to provide, simply because they do not know you or love you. It is beyond them to accept you at face value. They cannot understand you and it is not in their interest to take the time to figure you out. We can understand these things and move on of course. But, to repeat. One needs to rely on a certain core group of people, or even one person for some kind of minimal acceptance. And, when your immediate family lets you down, well, rest assured dear friends that you might as well call yourself a Black Sheep. I think that label would just about explain everything for everybody. When the calls stop coming in for the family funerals and the weddings of close relatives then you know that something is really wrong.
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Given what I have experienced so far I am wondering just what kind of a turn out there will be at my funeral. Or, if in fact, there will be a turn out at all. Will I be just another one of the 154,000 that will die on that day? Will my parting be so insignificant that no one will even notice that I am gone perhaps? Is that my ultimate fate? Well, as an official Black Sheep person I am not expecting very much let me assure you. Have a nice day without me in your life.
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Here is a recent interview with
the Black Sheep of the Family
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