On Wishful Thinking: Girlfriends and Gods

On Wishful Thinking:
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Girlfriends and Gods

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" You don't have to buy the cow to get the milk."

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....Gladys Baydala, circa 1969

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My title is meant to make you think about wishing for something and to think about God creation in the same breath. Wishing is something we do when we want something that may or not be attainable.
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If you have read my Blog you will know that I equate my brand of wishful thinking with that of the Christians and their hope of living forever after they die. They are doing exactly the same things as me; they are engaged in the business of fantasizing.
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No one really knows whether God exists or not; many people have just adapted the idea that he exists and that he is worth believing in. People that believe in God want to know that there is something occurring after death; for the believers it is an eternity living in harmony with their God.
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God exists mostly as an idea in people's minds. If he was real he would not confuse people as to what he is really like. Everyone finds God in their own way and that indicates to me that he is imaginary and is a mental creation rather that a real thing.
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An atheist will tell you that the only thing that matters is matter or material things. This is the stuff out of which everything originates including ideas. For example, the kind of thing that I am writing right now is a function of my brain which is composed of matter and produces ideas for me.
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The Christians believe that God is a spirit or idea that has existed for all time. They believe that he created the universe and is an all-knowing and caring entity.
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I do not believe personally that ideas can exist independently of man. If they existed how would we know them without imagining them? Did the ideas make us think about them? If no one has seen God or talked to him then how can anyone know him?
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The current propaganda of the Christians involves something called ' Intelligent Design ', which is just a comtemporary way of explaining life and existence and the complexities found in nature, i.e. things are so complex sometimes that only an intelligent designer such as God could have thought about them and created them. My argument to the creationists is simple: If eternity exists and all things are possible in the eons of time, then something like earth and the life forms found upon it are possible; anything is likely to occur over the course of an eternity, even a bunch of complexities occuring together. Just look at the beauty of nature and the designs that she creates all on her own.

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Or, if you are not satisfied with this idea of nature then grab a bucket of paint and pour it on a canvass. You will be amazed at the pictures produced and conceived by the human mind and the number of complexities one is liable to encounter; complexities occurring at the hand of chance and circumstance. And, that is life in a nutshell.
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Intelligent Design is a neatly packaged idea to explain reality. Christians are very adept at creating stories and images of God that appeal to our senses and emotions and in presenting ideas that neatly explain God's role in the creation of things.
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I am saying that ideas cannot exist independently of matter and that the God of the Christians who created the universe cannot exist in the way in which they present him. He might exist as an idea, but certainly nothing more than that.
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You really have to wonder if this Christian God exists at all when you start to think hard about it. The only thing I can envision existing permanently is space and the matter contained within it.
If God, the idea, existed in space and caused all things to be as they are then we must accept the notion that something was created out of nothing. This is a great leap of faith, in my opinion. And, if man was created in the image of God then surely man must be capable of producing something out nothing as well. To my mind, however, the only thing that the human can create out of nothing is an idea, and even that is dependent on some matter, namely his brain
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We just don't know certain things, so we make guesses and create beliefs and gods. As humans we are restricted from gaining knowledge about the essential truths and mysteries of the universe and god creation. Maybe something or someone has to present us with a workable idea that will explain things for us once and for all. In the meantime, we are forced to debate and to speculate about the important matters of life; we continue to believe things that work for us as individuals, according to our experiences and the knowledge that we gain from them.
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For me, God creation is too simplistic a philosophy and by my way of thinking is not possible. God is an idea and I have given you my ideas of where ideas originate from.
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My personal fantasies are a function of my brain and nothing else. I engage in wishful thinking just like the Christian does. He creates a God that makes him happy and this God possesses qualities similar to his own and he provides directions and morals that are human-like in nature. The Christian God is like a human for the simple fact that the idea of him was created by humans. If it was the other way around we could not possibly 'know' God because he would be alien to our intelligence and understanding.
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Personally, I am not bothered with these religious debates. The Christian God is just someones way of explaining things and understanding life.
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For me life is just a great big mystery and it is not really explainable in simple terms like the Christians think it is. The Christian is betting that a fantasy will occcur in his favor as a consequence of his belief. He wants his wish to come true. Who am I to deny him this fantasy?
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My being seems more like a consequence of fate or chance; a simple product of the interaction of all forms of matter within the confines of space over time. I am a bunch of matter that is so composed as to be able to formulate a reality out of my brain; I can envision ideas and things like gods. Simply put, God is the child of man and not the other way around.
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Ideas, therefore are dependent upon matter for their existence. So, ideas do exist just like God and take the same form. Indeed, the Christians are correct in saying that God exists. As an idea he is just as viable as any humanly created idea.
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Wishful thinking is one thing, but to maintain through faith and intolerance that such and such a thing will occur is a sign that a man is not willing to learn and accept new ideas; ideas that may cause him to alter his views on life and the future of things.
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As I have stated many times in my writing Christians and myself have much in common. We are simply both content about our ideas that make us feel good. I would have to say that love of God is an emotion without personally experiencing the thing in itself.
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We are both positive thinkers, the Christians and myself. If it makes you feel good then do it. When I think about a certain girl I feel very good and that makes life meaningful for me; she provides a sense of purpose for me and makes this whole of business of life worthwhile.
But, she remains an idea and no more. She is out there just like the Christian God, within reach but never touching.
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But, Christians and myself have essential differences; I am not making a bet that my fantasy will materialize. I recognize my faith for what it is. It is a fantasy that may materialize or not depending on what the unpredictable future presents us.
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I suppose, in a nutshell, this is my main criticism against those who practice a faith such as Christianity; they have faith and are determined that this imaginary God will produce everlasting life for them. They spend a lifetime believing that and are totally committed to the idea of God. I suspect that many Christians would not want to run the risk of discovering that God is a myth and that is why they do not engage in realistic debate or bother to consider ideas that criticize their vision of the world.
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Gods are like girlfriends, they are either real or they are not.
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All of the above are my personal thoughts.
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Carl Baydala
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Here is a series of articles discussing the pros and cons of
Intelligent Design:
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http://www.naturalhistorymag.com/darwinanddesign.html
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Some related thoughts for you:
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The following ideas were presented by a Christian psychologist in his attempt to downplay the influence of atheism in our society.
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I quote this author because I think it is important to show the lengths to which Christians will go to combat the influence of atheism on the Christian religion.

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He cites the Oedipus Complex as well as something called the 'Defective Father' Theory as to why people become atheists. Now, I cannot fault the man for being a psychologist and trying to fit a psychological reason for atheism, but I just think that atheism represents a world view and a form of rationalism based on common sense.

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To my mind, if a Christian needs to imply that a man who is lacking a firm father figure in his background as a reason for his atheism, and who is otherwise successful and happy in his relations with others then what is the point of mentioning this aspect of his life? This is a general fault of the Christian attitude in my opinion and is highly represented by the tone of this article.

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Perhaps if God was a girl the author would not be so troubled with the 'father defective ' theories problems.

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Christians are unwilling to accept the fact that people do in fact hold different beliefs and may not be interested in the Christian God as an act of faith. If one believes strongly in something as an article of faith, but yet can provide no proof of its existence except fairy tales and the hope that something magical will occur in the future then what are we really dealing with? Children at an early age are encouraged to believe in fairy tales and Santa Claus and even the Christian God. How is that upon adulthood they are encouraged to continue to believe in the Christian God, but throw the others in the trash can?
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He mentions people like Ludwig Feuerbach, Sigmund Freud, Karl Marx, Voltaire, Bertrand Russell, Jean Paul Sartre, Nietzsche, etc. Some of my favourite people, all condemned in one fell swoop. And, their only sin was being an atheist, just like me.
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The author's name is Paul C. Vitz His article is called:
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" The Psychology of Atheism "
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http://www.origins.org/articles/vitz_psychologyofatheism.html
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I have mentioned the philosopher Ludwig Feuerbachbefore in my post "Philosophy, Christianity, and a girl." Feuerbach had a great influence on the writings of Sigmund Freud ( the Oedipus Complex ) and provided a philosophical backdrop for his theories. You can read " The Essence of Christianity " by Ludwig Feurerbach here:
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http://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/feuerbach/works/essence/index.htm
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Other Sources:

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If you want to get involved in a study of philosophy here

is a handy chart with a list of philosophical considerations

and important figures in the field of philosophy

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http://www.philosopher.org.uk/

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My Home Page:
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http://carl-baydala-wants-you-to-know.blogspot.com/2006/07/my-home-page_115336233019581745.html

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An Emotional Update

An Emotional Update

This little bear knows everything about Carl Baydala

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I have been studying something called " positive affirmations " lately. My friend's daughter made a CD especially for me because she wants to help me. It is a self-help CD which I am listening to in my automobile at work. It is supposed to help me to forget the past and to let go and to forgive people. There are some very fine ideas on this CD. Notable among them are the idea that what you think about is what you will accomplish in life, like thinking about positive things rather than negative ones, for example. And if you think about things like being angry or being resentful, etc then that is what you will accomplish. You think about being angry because that is how you want to feel. So, it is better to think about beautiful and happy things rather than things which tend to upset you. This CD is another attempt at positive thinking I believe. Just be happy with what you have and live each moment in life because you only live that moment once. So, why bother being angry and resentful when you have the CHOICE of thinking and experiencing somehing more positive, like a beautiful experience, for example. The CD also teaches you to love oneself and in so doing you will feel good about yourself. I think that is true anyway. The main message of this CD is that you really can change how you think, because what you think is what you will experience. If you think about love and beautiful things they will come your way. And the same goes for wealth as well. I believe the CD is essentially about attitude although the CD does not come right out and say that. I know that attitudes are very important things.

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"....a farting horse will never tire..a farting man

is the man to hire."

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....Gladys Baydala, circa 1970.

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Pictures of Bears here:

.http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Pictures/bears_pg01.html

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My Early Childhood: Early Christian Influences

Early Christian Influences

Christianity was part of my early childhood experiences. I believed in God and Jesus and liked going to Church and Sunday school. There was a Catholic influence on my father's side since both of his parents were firm believers is Catholocism. But, I did not have any real formal Catholic experiences. ( These experiences were mainly later on in life while attending funerals. I was quite impressed by these funerals actually and I could feel the souls of the dead passing into heaven. I even congratulated a priest once for his wonderful service since I thought it was very professionally done. )

I mentioned earlier that we had to recite the Lord's Prayer at the beginning of our school day. ( This was in the fifties at our school Lord Byng in Steveston. ) So, you can see that the Church was able to influence us children in profound ways early on in life.

My sister and I were influenced mainly by different types of Protestants. As I said, I enjoyed church and Sunday school. I was even a choir boy and sat in the front row. I remember when the plate was being passed around for donations and I reached into my pocket and deposited some money on the plate. I guess you were not supposed to do that. I think people laughed at me.

My sister and I were actually " saved " one time by a minister in his car. I remember closing my eyes and accepting God or Jesus, I can't remember which one it was. But, I don't think anyone can really hold me to this pledge since I was too young to be making contracts with anyone. So, I guess we will just call it symbolic acceptance. Because I certainly do not feel like a Christian or someone who is saved. I just feel like me. Butch Baydala. That was my childhood name.

I remember drawing pictures of the Pope though at a very early age. He was my idol. I recall making the Pope having lavish robes. So, you can see how easily influenced I am by these authority figures at a very early age. I don't remember if I knew the difference between a Catholic and a Protestant though. But, I did like the idea of church and believing in God. For me, it was the thing to do and to believe in. I was interested in doing good at a very early age. And, this idea has kind of stuck with me throughout my life. I am not saying that I am perfect, I am just saying that I learned about righteousness and doing good early on in life.

Both my father and mother were not the slightest bit religious. This seems unusual though, especially on my fathers side since both of his parents were die-hard Catholics. My mother would have nothing at all to do with religion. She scorned it and had no use for it whatsoever. I remember one time my father invited a missionary over to the house for coffee or whatever. My mother, being the strong figure that she is, did not tolerate this kind of activity and asked this Christian person to leave the house.

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My Early Childhood: Early warning signs

Early Warning Signs

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There were signs early on that ours was not going to be a normal household and that my sister and I would be different than the rest of the kids.
My earliest recollection that something was amiss was when my sister and I went to the legion in Brighouse ( now central Richmond ) because of a Christmas party for the children of veterans. I remember anxiously driving to the legion in Brighouse from Steveston. There were on stage activities for all of the children and at the end all of the children were to receive gifts.
An announcer ( maybe it was Santa Claus, I cannot really remember ) proceeded to call out all of the names of the kids in attendance, so as to present them individually with a Christmas present. My sister and I waited anxiously for our names to be called out so that we could go on stage and get our gifts. We waited and we waited. And, finally the announcer was finished and there were no more gifts to be handed out. My sister and I had been forgotten about. We did not receive any presents....
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This is my earliest recollection that things were going to be different for us Baydala kids.

Other troubling events started early as well. Someone came and repossessed our car because our father could not make the payments. I remember how happy we all were when we got that maroon Studebaker and when we went to the Drive In and to the White Spot and to all of the beaches. And, then someone just came and took it away.

And then we lost our little house on Steveston Highway as well. We had to move. My father and mother broke up and my mother and my sister and myself moved to the east end of Vancouver and lived in a basement suite. My mother got a job at a hardware store on Main street in Vancouver. She supported myself and my sister. I did not understand the significance of all of these things, but I knew that my life had changed. But, I continued my life as a happy child nonetheless. See my post: 1958:A very good year ( August 7, 2006 )
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My Home Page Here:

http://carl-baydala-wants-you-to-know.blogspot.com/2006/07/my-home-page_115336233019581745.html

Annual Blogger Report: Mission Accomplished

Annual Blogger Report:

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Mission Accomplished

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To my valued readers:

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This is my first Annual Blogger Report.

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My very first blog entry was on May 13, 2006. I know that I am more than a week early in submitting this Report, but I would rather be early rather than tardy in updating you on my progress over the last year.

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Significant things seem to happen to me in pairs, and almost simultaneously. My father died on April 24, 2007. And, as in 1983, I am currently experiencing other life-changing events as well. Although I say in my Home Page: My Home Page ( July 19, 2006 ) that I am the master of my destiny I am starting to think that fate is a very big part of my life. I don't think you can logically argue against fatalism anyway; whatever you do will cause a result and who is to say whether it was pre-determined or not. Certainly not me. I would like to add, rather forcefully as well, that I do not think the divine hand is at work here. If God was working with me on this stuff I think he would have approached me long ago to let me know what his plans were.

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Many of my blog objectives are being met; the whole world is starting to know about Carl Baydala's personality, his interests, and his true nature. And, that is also a good thing. I told you a bit about my life as a child and plan to continue to chronicle my life as a child and as a teenager as well. See my posts: My Early Childhood ( June 26, 2006 ) and My Early Childhood, Continued ( June 30, 2006 ).

I am revealing my philosophical and political biases as well. I have also told you quite a bit about my job as a courier and the problems that couriers experience. I have mentioned my interest in harness racing and the system that I use. I would like to detail this system some day. I was rather hoping that someone would have expressed an interest in my system, but no one has to date. See for example my post: Sowing the Race Track Seeds ( June 24, 2006 ).

I have not yet even begun to tell you about my carnival experiences which are numerous indeed. I spent many years in the carnival business ( 1965 - 1992 ) travelling throughout western Canada and thoroughly enjoyed this adventure.

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A turning point occurred in my life in 1983.

I published a short story, which is a true account of my life on one day in October of 1983.

See my post:

Friday October 7, 1983

( Friday October 27, 2006 )

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People are learning that I do not think much of Christianity either, or any organized religion for that matter. I do not dislike Christians as people. That would be an absurdity. I am just against their beliefs. In my opinion, Christians are just believing in something that is unproven, something that I do not want to get involved in without more proof.

Faith is a great thing, like I have faith that the girl that I am interested in will end up marrying me. But, which is the more viable idea or possibility? That Christianity will provide everlasting life or that she will end up getting married to me? Christians and myself both want our faiths and wishes to come true. That is why I am like a Christian, but cannot be a Christian. See my post, for example, ' Philosophy, Christianity, and a Girl ' ( May 16, 2006 ) where I talk a bit about my life and why I am the way I am.

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I, personally, am not willing to take that route of religious faith seriously. I was not cut out to be part of the big crowd anyway and to participate in their big beliefs; I am against the whole thing because I do not like some forms of authority and that is just the way I am, take it or leave it. And, Christianity is just a big bunch of authority, that in my opinion is suspect. See for example my post: ' Whistlers, Dog Owners and Jesus Christ ' ( August 1, 2006 ) for my take on authority and religion.

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You notice I began my annual report with a picture of George Bush. I have mentioned this man before in my blog, particularly on my home page. I do this for a reason. The leader ( or those who put him there ) hold great power in the world. It is what they do with that power that matters; they either do good for the world or they do bad. If you read all of my blog you will notice that I am saying that they are doing bad and my general distrust for the Republicans and their agenda under George Bush should be self evident.

Before the Iraq War even started I claimed that it was a false war. I was one of the first people to believe that and history has sided with me on this issue. My primary assumption was that the war was conceived for the sole benefit of Israel, but I have since altered my views on this matter. I just think that there is more involved than the security of Israel. But, I still think that they become real beneficiaries of the conflict in the Middle East.

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The current Republican regime is just bad news, it is as simple as that. And, even the will of the people is not really being expressed in the United States either. The elected officials, the branch of government in oppostion to the President are simply not doing their job. And, that is a very bad thing, in my opinion. Now I don't really believe that the United States is a Zionist controlled entity as many believe ( although that is the way it looks sometimes ) because of the steadfast support of American politicians for the State of Israel to the apparent detriment of the people of the United States, but rather I think that Israel is simply a beneficiary of U. S. foreign policy. I am saying that the Military Industrial Complex has reasons for being in the Middle East and the President of the United States and his backers are simply agents for this group and their agenda. That is the simplicity of the thing. The Zionists are simply in the right place at the right time and benefit from location and their relationship with the United States. As you can see, I am interested in these kinds of things as they affect us all greatly, not just the citizens of the U.S., but all of the world is affected by these events in the Middle East. And, since we are talking about the deaths of innocents ( Iraqi civilians) all of the world should be concerned

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If I have some Republican readers then you must bear with me on this one. I think you know that I am right, the War is just wrong and the American people know that. And, that is why they voted to put more Democrats into office in the last election. It is just very difficult to extricate this current regime from power because of the way the system is set up. The people who benefit from war and the friends of Israel want this Middle East war business to continue; it is in their best interest to do so. But, it is not in our interest for it to continue, "our " meaning us Canadians and any thinking American that is bothering to read my website or any countless number of websites saying the same things as me.

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Well, I guess you know my political thoughts by now and what I think of George Bush. I only make note of him on my Home Page because of his ability to make history. I would like to think that I have that ability too, in some small way of course. But, the idea is similar; you just get out there and tell people what you think and hope that something comes of it.

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I hope I can make some further progress in the year ahead and happily report it to you.

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see our new Olympic license plates

for the 2010 Olympics....

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My Home Page and Blog Organization

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Posted on Sunday May 6, 2007

Mike Baydala died today.

Michael Baydala

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(October 16, 1919 - April 24, 2007)

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Michael Baydala, age 87, passed away peacefully at Vancouver General Hospital on April 24, 2007. " Mike " was a veteran of World War 2 and spent most of his adult life living in the Lower Mainland area. Mike read extensively and was very knowledgeable in matters concerning politics and history, and readily shared his strong views. He was a fisherman and sailed extensively throughout the B.C. coast. He was also President of the Army and Navy Club in Steveston, B. C. Mike was very fond of horse racing and spent every weekend at Hastings Race Track. He lost both of his legs to diabetes but this loss did not stop him from attending the races; he found a way to get there. Mike was also very generous with his racetrack winnings and was eager to share the profits. In his final days he could be found reading at Children’s Hospital where he lived nearby. He wanted to be close to children to hear their voices. Mike is survived by his daughter Connie (Walter) and a son, Carl; three grandchildren, Thomas (Paula), Shannon (Rob), and Skye (Dave); great grandchildren, Jerrod, Brandon, Matthew, Jake, and Cody.
Donations in Mike’s memory to Children’s Hospital would be appreciated.

Published in the 'Vancouver Province' newspaper, May 4, 2007

A Courier Party

A Courier Party Last Summer.

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It was really a beautiful day and the food was great. The reason for the party was on account of Brian, our dispatcher leaving our Company. We took up a collection for him and everything. And, then he ends up not even leaving. He left for a week and then came back. Our Company almost fell apart because that is how important dispatching is in the courier business. There are just so many things that have to work perfectly to get good customer service, and the dispatcher is a very key player. We had lots of good food and drank beer. I hardly drink at all and basically quit two years ago or longer. I lost track. All I really remember is that I don't drink beer everyday anymore. I am saving a lot of dough too.

Friday October 7, 1983

Friday October 7, 1983

 

The following is a true story based on a real incident that occurred on Friday October 7, 1983.  The modification of this introduction took place on Sunday December 19, 2010.

Friday October 7, 1983


Friday October 7, 1983
.Surrey, B. C. Canada

Music to Every Breath You Take:
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 Melody for Every Breath You Take

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Friday October 7, 1983 was a typical Indian summer day; a combination of crisp air, blue skies, and the left over warmness of a former season. Chuck was feeling good about himself and his life as he made his way to work that morning. It was the end of another week and the weather was holding up nicely. He swung his car into the parking lot and parked close to the entrance of the store. He stepped out of the car confidently, smelled the clean, fresh air and entered the store.

Chuck had just been listening to a cassette

and the song he had been listening to was dancing in his head as he made his way into the office. ‘Every Breath You Take’ by the ‘Police’ was on the top of the charts and it was his favorite song that morning. He had just recently purchased the tape because it reminded him of Katy, one of the girls who worked in the store. Chuck was her boss and the crush he had on her consumed him.

He had fallen in love with the girl during the course of the summer. It was the happiest time of his life. Nothing is better than being in love. It was a form of ecstacy Chuck concluded. Katy did not know about the really serious nature of this crush, but she knew that he liked her. Because he told her that he liked her. In fact, he had told her more than once that he considered her to be special. He let his feelings be known to her, but Chuck also knew that Katy did not feel the same way. He wanted her to like him, but he knew that the things concerning love have to occur naturally. Now, Chuck had been in love previously and felt the pain of rejection so he was reluctant to get involved again. He did not want to do it. But, somehow, Katy had just snuck up on him. He was being drawn into her physically. Katy did not really have to do anything. He remembered how it started by just being next to her and how he had to pretend sometimes that she had no effect on him. He had to pretend that he didn’t like her; he had to conceal his emotions. But, eventually everyone came to know. He remembered one time one of the other ladies whispering. " he thinks he is too old for her. " So, they knew. Everyone knew. Of course they knew. People aren’t stupid. In fact, it was only a couple of weeks ago that one of the staff members bought Chuck a gift. It was a record. He didn’t remember mentioning the fact that the song " It’s All in the Game " by Tommy Edwards was his favorite all-time song.

But, he must have because someone took the time out and bought him that record and presented it to him. They just knew. If everyone knew that meant Katy knew too. . It was tough on Chuck though having to control his emotions when Katy’s boyfriend was there and socializing with her. He had to really pretend at those times. At one point he had even contemplated leaving the store as an option to get her off his mind and to be free from this emotional jackpot that he found himself in, but he never did it. He just let himself fall deeper and deeper in love with Katy. Eventually, he was hooked on her.
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Katy was only seventeen years old, but you would never know it. She had long dark hair and often wore it in a pony tail. Chuck thought that was sexy. She was a tall and slender girl, with a somewhat gangly appearance. She had a sharp face and smooth white skin. Her breasts were not overpowering, but rather, formed part of a evenly shaped figure. And, she was intelligent, opinionated and very earnest in her ways. Chuck was very impressed with her work skills and he figured that she was on some kind of a personal mission, mostly because of her quick movements. She was a very determined girl and Chuck was convinced that Katy was no ordinary seventeen year old. One time, he told her that and she smiled and was clearly flattered by such a revelation from her boss. But, Chuck was quite sure that Katy was fully aware of her attributes and her ability to attract the opposite sex. He remembered the goofy looking hat she wore one time which she played with in front of her boyfriend, teasing him and taunting him and demanding to be the center of attention.

He was getting the store ready to open and was making small talk with other workers in the store. He wished Katy was there helping him in person. She was there in his mind of course like she always was. He laughed inside thinking how her laugh could drive him crazy. She laughed at the smallest things and the stupidest things too. Like, when someone had a misfortune, of any kind. That was funny to Katy. Anything unusual was worth laughing about. But, the important thing was that she laughed. And, she laughed around him. And, he knew that was a powerful signal coming from a girl. A signal of acceptance. Her strong laugh could draw a man into her. It was a laugh that called you and cemented you to her emotionally. She loved life and made you feel good.

Chuck got up from his office chair and moved toward the front entrance of the store and just stopped and stared at it One of the girls was washing the windows and he watched the water dribble down the glass and onto the ground. The water reminded him of Katy. The time it was pouring rain outside and Katy entered the store soaking wet. She looked like a little puppy that needed help and someone to love. Standing in the store entrance she bent over slightly and brushed away the dark wet strands of hair that had fallen over her eyes. The turquoise shirt that she wore was soaked in rain. She looked like a helpless little orphan. Chuck wanted to run over and hug her, but he could not.

He did another walkabout of the store to make sure everything was OK and running. Satisfied that everything was functioning smoothly he retreated back the silence of his office and more paperwork and more private thoughts. More dreaming about Katy. He would spend more time in the store itself when it got busier, but for now he preferred the solitude of his office retreat He looked up and saw a picture pinned to the wall. It was just an ordinary photo of one of the staff that someone had put up. Just something else to remind him of Katy. Everything in that store reminded him of her. It was almost an obsession. Was this some kind of curse thinking about her all of the time? He didn’t care if it was. Everything she did made him happy and that is all that mattered. The photo made him think of his postcard that Katy sent him during the summer. During the summer Katy had gone on a trip to California with her parents and Chuck missed her. The store always felt empty when she was not there and it was especially hard for him when she went on vacation. She had made him come alive and gave him a reason for living, a reason to keep coming back to that store. He was sure though, that she had no idea how much she meant to him, even if he had told her that he liked her. She probably just thought her boss " liked her " and that was all. He asked her to send him a post card from her trip. He looked in the mailbox everyday to see if it would come. And, finally it arrived. The post card was done up in black and turquoise and an accompanying caption read: ‘ San Francisco is for lovers ‘ What a clever girl he thought. He was glad she was back. Laughing and playing and making him happy to be alive.


Chuck worked through the day shift without any major complications arising. The sun was still shining brightly during the later afternoon and it was still warm outside. The shift was coming to a close and soon Katy would be coming to work. He was in a particularly upbeat mood thinking how Katy had recently dumped her boyfriend. Maybe he could get closer to her now. Soon, she would be walking through the doors. He would get to see her and talk to her and be near her once again. He was feeling good about himself and life and the working relationship he was having with Katy. He did a walk about throughout the store and began to get things ready for the next shift manager. He heard a voice behind him." Chuck can I talk to you for a minute? "

He turned in the direction of the voice and saw that it was the District Manager for the area. His name was Raymond Burnside And, standing next to him was the President of the Company, Darnell Eliason. Chuck had good deal of respect for Raymond as he was just recently promoted and was eager to learn the tools of the trade of those in upper management. Raymond was very robust and jovial figure and came across as a helpful, friendly manager. Chuck thought he was well polished and knew his trade and that he just wanted to succeed in his new role. He was a complete ‘ Yes Man ‘ in Chuck’s eyes.

Darnell, however, was a different kind of animal Chuck surmised He was part of the organization that had just bought the Company. They were Americans. He was a complete outsider by Chuck’s way of thinking. He was authoritarian and over bearing. Just too aggressive and domineering. Chuck was quite convinced that the man did not like him, but it took him a little time to figure this fact out. Some of the comments he made appeared negative and unusual for a man he rarely saw. He could feel the tension sometimes between them when they had brief encounters. He wasn’t sure if he was the only one who felt this way since he never asked any other managers about his concerns in this area. There was a kind of probation period during the transition and Chuck has survived this administrative detail. Chuck only saw Darnell occasionally and he figured he just had to tolerate him when he made his infrequent appearances in the store.

Darnell was about the same age as Chuck, in his early thirties. He had dark hair and a moustache, and was essentially, a full figured man in comparison to Chuck’s slight build. He appeared friendly and he smiled a lot. But, behind that smile Chuck sensed a shrewdness. An outward smile, but not a smile you could count on. Chuck could not accept his gestures because he just sensed that there was something inherently wrong with their relationship. But, he did not really know what the problem was. Chuck knew that this man was his equal in terms of education, or at least, that is the way he presented himself. But, Darnell was the boss and he was not, so it was just best to keep out of the man’s way. But, Chuck just hoped his visits to the store were infrequent and short. And, he tried to block out of his mind any difficult moments that they had between them. There was no bonding and no social functions to complete the relationship between him and Darnell. And, Darnell did not come across as a man with a social conscience anyhow. His leadership role seemed to be the only thing that concerned him.

He was also an American and Chuck was a Canadian. To Chuck’s mind that implicitly meant that they most likely had different values anyway. Another source of contention to deal with. Chuck had worked with Americans in past jobs. He had lots of experience in the carnival business before he got his present job. Americans were his bosses at certain times. He knew about their personalities and how they conducted themselves when they intermingled with Canadians. He knew sometimes they felt superior and they were aggressive when it came to matters of business. He remembered when he was only fifteen years old and working in the carnival business, his first summer job. One of his experiences was with a man called Harry Cooper from New York. He ran all the bingo games and he must have been pretty wealthy. But, anyhow, here is a guy that was so picky about his business that he has to take time out and show a fifteen year old kid just how to hold a goddamn paintbrush. Chuck really chuckled inside of himself thinking about Harry and his mannerisms. " Now, here is how you hold a paintbrush son. " he used to say. Everything had to perfect and done in the way the boss wanted it to be done. That was one of his first experiences with American businessmen and he never forgot that. Never.

Chuck worked with American bosses and just plain old workers too. Some of his working partners were even his friends. American friends. He was even invited to a Jewish wedding in Seattle, Washington on account of one his carnival pals getting married. On another occasion he stayed overnight, in a house just north of Portland, Oregon with a friend whose father was a major figure in the carnival business. He worked with Americans in the Canadian prairies with a very large American amusement company. He saw how they organized things. This large amusement company was run just like the military and totally organized. He knew how Americans operated their businesses. He worked in Los Angeles, California as well. He worked with his southern neighbors and he learned from them. Most of his American bosses, however, accepted Chuck on his own terms. Because they were carnival people just like Chuck. And, carnival people are aggressive and they like to think they understand human behavior. That is their business, to know how people think and why they do the things that they do. He could kid around with his American superiors in the carnival business, because that was part of the business, to kid around and to play mind games. That is how you made money in the carnival business, by being aggressive and selling and gaining peoples’ confidence. You lured people in and then you sold them something. Because that was your job. To convince people to spend money and to keep spending money. Owners and workers alike had a mutual understanding and respect for one another because they were doing the same job and they were most likely being paid on commission as well. That meant they had an interest in working together as opposed to against one another. There was a built in incentive to be friends.

Chuck could kid around in the carnival business with his bosses, but this new boss was different. He did not want to kid around with Chuck. Maybe there were others he did not want to kid around with either, but Chuck was not aware of them. He made an attempt to be nice to Darnell, to gain his friendship, but Darnell appeared disinterested in the gesture. Darnell made some kind of statement, Chuck could not recall the details exactly, but Chuck retorted with: " you gotta be kidding " Darnell’s response was: " I don’t kid around. " Chuck felt uncomfortable with that kind of response because he knew the man was rejecting him. All the more reason to just keep out of his way. Don’t even try to be nice or friendly because the man was simply not interested He was just too much into his role as the top man. Too immersed in his power. That is all that mattered. And, he seemed to want obedience. He wanted people to like him, and to respect him and in return, to control them. Chuck had Darnell pegged for a certain type of American business man, one who is only interested in profits and servility. Chuck could try to provide the profits, but servility was another matter entirely.

All in all, Chuck did not particularly like Darnell and his authoritarian ways. The man could enter the store smiling, wearing a tie and pretending to be friendly, but Chuck just knew better. Because he understood people and their behavior. He took the position that he did not have to like him anyway. He would only have to pretend to like him, if he had to, that is. Why should he have to like a president who is hardly there? It was not Chuck’s job to like this man. Technically, he was an intruder in the business. Others handled the day to day business of management anyway. He was a redundant, unwanted figure. He did not belong in a store trying to control peoples’ lives. Chuck knew that and that is why he knew he was not obligated to like a man if a man did not like him Why waste the time and effort on somebody who cannot or will not appreciate you? Just tolerate him and hope he disappears from your life as fast as he entered it. That was his philosophy concerning this man.

But, there were other reasons not to like Darnell as well. More substantial reasons. More personal ones. Now, Chuck being in love with Katy he did not like the way Darnell socialized with Katy when he was in the store. Chuck knew that Katy would be impressed with this man and his power. And, he drove a BMW as well. Two things Katy might be interested in. Money and power. All girls were interested in these things. But, here they were here as big as life and knocking on her door. This bothered Chuck a lot, but of course he could not really say anything. But, Darnell was just too personal with her. He took time out to notice her, and to flirt with her. They were just having fun anyway he figured. Just harmless flirting. And, Katy liked the attention too. All girls like attention. He liked it when she was happy, but he did not like it when Darnell was providing the happiness. Chuck was jealous and he hoped that the flirting between Darnell and Katy would just subside and fade away completely. He did not think it would amount to anything. Or he hoped it wouldn’t at any rate.


Raymond and Darnell stood together at a distance, two large men with beaming faces, beckoning Chuck.


" Chuck we need to talk to you, can you come with us? " Raymond questioned.

Chuck acknowledged the presence of the two men and then followed them to the little office downstairs. He was thinking that the last time he was down in the basement it was with Katy and another worker. They had been talking about the seasons and the fact that the Fall was Chuck’s favorite time. Indian summer was a special time, a quiet peaceful time. Serene was the key word he thought. He was in a fairly upbeat mood and all three of them settled themselves at the small table in a corner of the room. They sat at a table with Chuck facing the two men. Raymond sat on his left and Darnell sat on his right. Chuck was pretty sure the meeting was about his possible promotion or being transferred to another store. There were quite a few changes going on in the stores so what else could it be about? He was worried that he would not be with Katy and that was the only thing which really bothered him about leaving the store. He would let Katy know right away about his promotion or transfer. Chuck was seated directly across from Darnell. Darnell was mentally preparing his opening remarks. Chuck was fixated on Darnell’s face. His eyes were serious looking, the slight smirking smile, and the black moustache. Darnell clasped his hands together and then his whole body moved in Chuck’s direction and the words started to flow out his mouth:

" Chuck the relationship isn’t working. "

Chuck did not fully grasp the meaning of this statement as he was not expecting it. He knew though that this was not a good opening line for a discussion about his future prospects with the Company. He still did not fully grasp the intended meaning of the words and thought perhaps that he was going to be coached on how to improve his performance. He dismissed this possibility, however, because he realized there was more going on here.

Then the true meaning of Darnell’s words took hold. Chuck was being fired. It was a sick, ugly feeling. A feeling of not belonging and not being wanted. Like being rejected by a woman, the same kind of painful sensation. Except, firing was even worse than female rejection because someone is casting you aside and taking away your economic livelihood as well. It was a devastating moment for Chuck. He had never been fired before. Without hesitating he knew he had to defend himself against this attack. An attack from someone he did not like and from someone who did not like him. This was going to be a war. A war of words and personalities. And, Darnell had drawn first blood.

He did not know why he was being fired, but, he knew now that he was. There would be no escaping this fact. This was it. The real thing. Raymond started to make some comments about performance but Chuck was not really listening to what he was saying. He did not like the intent of this meeting as was not about to take this firing lying down.

He did not believe or trust these two individuals that he now confronted. They were ganging up on him and he was all alone to defend himself. What could he do? What could he say in his defence? It was two against one and that was that All he could do was to stand his ground and tell them that they were wrong. It was one man against two authoritarian figures. Two people determined to remove him from the organization. He was wondering what the real reason for his ousting from the Company was. Which one of these two figures would be the more believable? What were the real reasons for being dismissed on a Friday afternoon at the end of a working shift?. Why did this man, this man that had the power to make you his friend or his enemy want to get rid of Chuck?

And, then Darnell spoke again:

" How come you never said hello to me? "

Chuck had to internalize and process the meaning of this comment. The president of our Company is asking me why I do not like him Chuck thought. Was Chuck really supposed to respond to a statement like that?

Chuck pondered the situation.

He wondered if he should call him a fucking prick like he really thought he was and just call him a goddamn American fascist from somewhere back East where they all come from anyway. Or, maybe he should confront him with his intrusions in the lives of the staff, like flirting with Katy. Did Darnell know that he was in love with the girl? Is this why he needed to flirt with the girl that he was in love with? Just to piss him off. Because the word was out that he liked her. Should he mention Katy’s name?

Or, should he just say: " Well, you don’t like me either anyhow and I know you did not want me to succeed here and you know that. " Should he proceed along those lines?

Should he just get everything off his chest while he had a chance? He was a condemned man anyway, so why not just let the man know how he really felt? And, then just get up and leave, satisfied that he got the last shot in. Why not warn the man that if he ever touched Katy he would hear about it? Just to let him know that he would still be out there and that he would just know. Someone would let him know.

Should he just remind this man that he did not like the idea of him flirting with Katy and remind him about the time he whisked by Katy and flicked her pony tail just to let her know that he was interested in her? Should he do that and embarrass him in front of his underling? Get the information out and get even with him. Let his ‘yes man’ know about the true nature of this man? What could Chuck do in the face of all of this madness and the hurt that was starting to engulf him. He blurted out:

" You’re wrong. "

The president of the Company jerked his head back in disbelief and he had the appearance of being afraid of Chuck He was clearly agitated by Chuck’s remark. Chuck had made a direct hit on the man. . His plan was back firing. He expected Chuck to take defeat like some kind of a subservient slave. No way. Chuck would not give him the satisfaction of admitting defeat, of agreeing that he was incompetent. Not a chance. There was much more at stake here and he knew it. He had to stand up to the president and foil his plans. That was the satisfaction that he got. The only satisfaction, but at least it was something. The president wanted Chuck to quit. To admit his weaknesses in front of a witness. Chuck was not going down easily. And, if he had to go down he had to go down fighting. There was no other way.

Darnell tried a different approach. With a straight face and a smile to match he made an offering to Chuck:

" We can be friends Chuck after this is all over. You can come into the store at anytime and have a coffee with me. "

Chuck couldn’t believe his ears. To think that he would come into the store and have a coffee with him when it was all said and done. That is what the man suggested to Chuck. That they be friends and everyone would live happily ever after. Think about the logic of the suggestion. The man has asked the question. " Why did you never say hello to me? " meaning, he is suggesting that Chuck does not like him. And, we know that he clearly does not, or at least respect him at any rate. So, why would a man who is just being terminated want to sit down and have a coffee with a man who has taken away from him the only thing that mattered in his life, namely the relationship with a young girl? Does the man know or care about this aspect of Chuck’s life? And, that relationship now destroyed in the process of the firing. What is the logical consistency in that kind of thinking? And, even setting apart the issue of the girl, for the man may simply might not have know about Chuck’s affections for the girl, why does he act in such a disingenuous manner? He indicates that he does not like Chuck and suggests that Chuck does not like him. So, how does he expect Chuck to like him afterwards? Where do people learn to think like that? It is akin to whipping a slave and then asking him to thank you for the pleasure of the beating. The man has been watching too many American movies or maybe it is the culture that he was brought up in that makes him act like that.

Chuck knew this was the end. The end of everything he had dreamed about. The happiness he had achieved. All down the drain with one simple statement by the man. " the relationship isn’t working " Your goddamn right it isn’t working. Because you did not want it to work. Chuck wondered how he could drive his point home. Where was the psychological success going to come from? It would come from standing his ground. He would not quit. He knew that firing someone is a form of weakness of management. It just proves their incompetence. Their inability to manage people and their emotions and of people who think differently than them, or bother to think at all. Some people are just slaves or yes men. But, Chuck was neither and the man never took time out to find out about the real Chuck because he could not. His personality would not allow it. Surely Chuck could leave a message for him. Something for Darnell to ponder in his later years and in his future relations with human beings. Yes, the world is full of people. People that have emotions and dreams. They want to keep their pride intact and not have it destroyed by a foreigner. A foreigner trying to dictate policy and impose a different set of values, by force if necessary. Darnell was the proverbial ‘Ugly American’. This is the way Chuck was reading the situation. He had to defend himself, his country and its values.. Chuck had to save Canada and his woman from these foreign invaders. He had to take a stand and be firm.


And, that is what Chuck did on that day. He stood his ground and he fought. And, he fired a shot back. He fired that shot for Katy.

Katy, the young girl who was not there to see him fight and would not understand what he was fighting for even if she was.
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It's All In The Game (sound clip) http://www.foreveroldies.com/lovesongs/itsallin.mp3

Carl Baydala, copyright 2006

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Picture was taken on April 12, 2007

My Mother Gladys

Gladys at seventeen

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Mike Baydala at the Track

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This is Michael Baydala, my father. Mike is 86 years old and will be 87 on October 16, 2006. He is a very big race track fan, and it was he who introduced me to the sport of horse racing.

These photos were taken at Hastings Park Race Track in Vancouver today. It was a very pleasant day as you can see. Mike had a successful day at the track, winning the first Daily Double, which paid about Two Hundred dollars. And, if he wasn't so busy talking to me he would have picked up another one hundred and thirty three dollars. He had the numbers all picked out.

He always tries to get to the Track on a Saturday because this is his main form of entertainment. He is very generous with his race track winnings and he pays his ' runners ' handsomely for their efforts. One time he had a pretty substantial win and he gave my sister and I each five thousand dollars. That was a really nice present I can assure you. He enjoys winning and likes to show off with the fruits of his labour. That is what horse racing is all about as I mentioned in one of my earlier reports on horse racing.
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1958: A very good year

This is me in 1958 in grade 3. This was a very good year because I was a real track star and got six blue ribbons for track and field, more than anyone else. I was also the teacher's pet and I really liked school at that time. That is me smiling in the top left hand corner. Myself, along with my mother and sister had just moved from Richmond and we lived downstairs in a house in East Vancouver. I wanted to go to church because I went to Sunday school when I lived in Steveston. The church I went to was a Protestant denomination, most likely Lutheran, but I cannot remember exactly. I remember there was also a little German girl that I liked, but I cannot remember her name. If you saw me today you would never think I was a former " track star "

NB. I inserted this post because I just found this photo and I put it on my scanner to get the picture. Just wanted to see what it would look like. I actually have some other posts in mind about my Early Childhood and I will be posting them later. This 1958 posting will be re-inserted later, after some earlier posts. But, for now I just wanted you to have a peek at this picture and to see how the scanner handles an older photograph.
Carl.

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Whistlers, Dog owners, and Jesus Christ.

TWO THINGS I DO NOT TRUST ARE people who whistle and dog owners. I am not against all dog owners, only some. There are many other things I do not trust, but these two come to mind right now.

I do not trust people who whistle because they make me suspicious and uncomfortable. They are whistling because they are very happy or they are concealing something. Both are cause for concern, in my opinion. First of all if someone is exceedingly happy about something they have probably done something wrong and the whistling is just a front. But, if they really are happy then that is even worse because they are bragging about it and that is a bad thing. The really annoying thing about being too happy though is the fact that you are telling everyone about it. NO ONE cares if you are happy or not, so keep it to yourself. I might be having a bad day and I do not want a happy person telling me to be happy. It is like a Christian telling you that God loves you or something. God will tell me himself if that is the case because no one else can do that. People telling me how to feel is a form of arrogance. And, I detest arrogance intensely.

Another reason they might be whistling is because they are good at it and they want to show off. Well, I am not interested. It is like a singer singing out in the open. Who cares? If you are good at these things then you should be doing them in the shower where everybody else does their private things. Why be different and obnoxious? Respect for others that's the key.

My other beef tonight is dog owners. These are people that you should approach with caution. As stated above, I am not against all dog owners only bad people who are most likely dog owners. The main reason they are potentially dangerous people is because they are not cat people. The people in the world are divided into two camps in case you did not know. The cat people are the good guys and the dog people are the bad guys. If you look deep enough I think you find a difference in personality between a dog person and a cat person. And, a really bad person is more likely to be a dog type versus a feline type. And just take a look at some of the personalities involved. A dog person is more likely to be an aggressive person or one who likes to control people around them. Now, not all dog people are bad and menacing but there are core differences, and these traits will show up in character and in the way people act and relate to other people. They like to assume control and tend to be leaders and influential. But, not all leaders can act in your best interest so always be cautious around a dog person. If you see someone walking a dog, even if it looks like a harmless little old lady, just be aware that these people can, and will act differently than us cat people.

.Was Jesus Christ a dog man or a cat man? I do not know. Perhaps some Christian will step up to the plate and inform us. Because I would really like to know. It would tell us a lot about the true nature of Christianity if we know this little, but very important piece of information. And, if anyone has heard of a story about Jesus Christ whistling while walking a dog of any kind I would like to know about that because that would alter my whole view of Christianity completely.

Is George Bush a dog man? He might have a cat too but can you really trust him if he associates with dogs? Mr. George Bush is the kind of bad person that I have been referring to here. He seems arrogant and he is a leader with great power. I think if he could whistle, he would do it. Just to annoy me a bit more. He personifies the kind of personality we are talking about here. The classic dog man. The man to fear at all costs.
Dog people like to tell their dogs what to do and to be obedient. Bill Clinton was even a dog man, but I think that was more of a front than anything else, you know like being a Christian too. Remember his dog " Buddy " ? You just cannot make it at the top levels in America if you are not a dog man and a Christian. It's just the way things are. That is why I make the enquiry if anyone knows whether or not Jesus Christ was a whistler and a dog man. I hope you understand now why I would even think of asking such a question.
If you owned a dog and he obeyed you would you respect him? I personally would be critical of his motives just like an obedient human being. These are important things to know so don't take them lightly. Do you want to be controlled by someone? I sure do not. So, be very cautious around these dog types.
And, just be sure to love your cat because he or she loves you back. They are not being obedient. They love you naturally and that is a big difference to know about.
The independence of the cat is why you associate with them. It is a relationship born out of respect, not one centered on control or obedience. Their personality is your personality. Get it?

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Copyright: Carl Baydala 2006